Contemplations
by TopHatsInc
Summary: Josh thinks about various things that have gone on in his life, namely the death of his mother and how he managed to gain a new family.


I looked up at the calender. March, 13. The day my mother had died.

I was eight years old when it happened. Apparently she had been sick for a while, I later found out it was cancer, and so one day...it had become too much for her...annd she was gone. Gone. And I didn't get to say goodbye. I wasn't allowed to becuase she had been in the hospital...and...it just happened. They thought she was getting better...but I guess she suddenly had a relapse and...died. God, can be so cruel sometimes. I remember my dad, walking into my room. I had been working on a get better soon card for her for when she was cominng back from the hospital. I remember the look on my dad's face when he saw what I was working on. There was so much pain...so much hurt...so much sorrow...I don't think I'll ever forget.

He had come up to me and put his hand on my shoulder. "What...what are you working on, son?" he had asked, his voice cracking slightly, a totally forced smile on his face. I looked up into his face, confused.

"You don't like it?" I asked, thinking I would have to remake the whole card again. "I knew I should have used blue!"

Dad gave a little chuckle and pulled me against him in a big bear hug.

"What's wrong, Daddy?" I wondered, seeing the tears that were pulling up in his eyes.

He quickly wiped them away and knelt down so that we were face to face.

"Josh...your mom, she-"

"She's better, isn't she! I knew it! God, does listen!" I said overexcitedly, mistaking his tears for tears of joy.

"No...no, Josh. She isn't better. Actually...she's gone."

"Gone? Gone where?" I said, confused, innocently thinking she had switched hospitals or something.

"She's gone...to a better place." Dad said, tryi ng to blink away the tears in his eyes.

I just stared at him with this confused expression on my face. I really didn't get what was going on. Why wasn' my Mom coming home? Where did she go?

"She's...she's dead, Josh. She's dead." Dad managed to say, in a broken whisper.

And then, the tears started falling. He finally broke down and started sobbing, pulling me into his arms. I started crying to. My Mom couldn't be dead! _I prayed_! God was supposed to listen and make her better! He promised!

"But...but God-" I managed to stutter out.

"Josh, God loves us just the same. He most probably....took her away from us..s so that she'd get better. She is in a better place..." he said, choking up at the last part. It took me four more years to fully accept that. That God had taken her to a better place because he loved her. It took me even longer to stop being resentful towards God. I realized how horrible my Mom must have been feeling, practically tied ot down to the hospital beds with all the testing and the shots and the tubes.

So I managed to reconcile myself to the fact that she was gone...but that God was still the good guy. But, that still doesn't make the pain go away. Sure, it's a lot less and I'm thankful for that, really! It's just that, this dull ache I have, will always be there, sometimes worse than the others. But it's okay. I've learned to cope. Plus, now with a new family, everything's gotten so much easier. Aubrey...even though she hasn't _replaced _my mom, she's got her own special "Mom" spot in my heart. She really is a second mother to me. I remember being so nervous when I first met her. I was so worried that she wouldn't be nice or sweet. I've read Cinderella before! I knew the deal with Step-mothers! But, then, after meeting her. I realized that she was actually very nice. SHe wasn't really like my Mom...but she was still nice. And then slowly, after spending more time with her and the family...I came to love her like a mother. She became a mother to me.

"Josh!"

I was roused out of my contemplative mood by a shout from Audrey...Mom.

"Yeah?" I called back.

"I made your favorite, chocolate chip pancakes." she yelled back.

I let a smile grace my face. Today...today was going to be a tough day. Tougher than usual. But alteast today, I had a family to back me up.

"I'm comin!" I replied, getting off of the bed.

I looked around the room, to the little picture of her I had on the dresser table. She was smiling up at me, like she was urging me to go downstairs and enjoy the day with my family. Our family. I walked to the table and picked up the picture. I gave it a little kiss, and then turned back around and walked dowstairs.

I smiled quietly to myself as we all sat together for dinner that night. Dad had managed to get through the day without breaking down and crying, Drake had been cool enough to give me a little space today and let me be by myself for a little and Megan had been understanding enough to keep the pranking to a minuimum. I really did have an awesome family. I looked up from my contemplations to see Dad and Mom laughing and smiling together about something. My smile grew even more. I realized that not only had I gained a family, I had gotten not one, but two mothers who loved me very much.


End file.
